i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
