I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
