It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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