did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
