An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
