Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
