I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
