Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She bit a glass in half.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize