I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
