I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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