I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
