glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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