He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
