You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
