so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
