I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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