WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
