And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
time to smoke my breakfast
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
