I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
