I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize