I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
