I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
