Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
