sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
