I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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