My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He has the fingertips of a God
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