2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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