my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
