You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
