i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
organizing the empties. That sober.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
