CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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