I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
