the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
