So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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