You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
