I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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