Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
