so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
