We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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