Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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