He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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