Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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