the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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