I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
