Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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