my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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