you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
