9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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