so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
