areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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