In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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