i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
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I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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