I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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