I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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