I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
