As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
