so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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