When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
