im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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