He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
