I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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