ugly people sure do ruin things
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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