Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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